priorities;

Wise words:
Don't make someone a priority, 
if they only keep you as an option.

This is the best life lesson I can get at the moment.

I can't continue like this.
I have to be more selfish.
I have to learn to live for my own happiness.

This cannot go on.
I cannot cling on to a false reality I create in my head.

That was certainly not your true self.
The true character of a person emerges under hardship.
And I have to stop making myself believe that that was the real you.
Because the process of making myself believe is tiring and mentally gruelling.
It saps me off energy.

It's been 10 weeks already.
Every weekend. New hope. Crashed expectations. Tears. Disappointment.

And the cycle repeats.

It's tiring.
And I can't carry on like this week after week.

I wasn't like this.
I could detach myself.
get over attachments and desires quickly.
I could be objective.
Nothing ever stayed on my mind/bothered me for extended periods of time.
Putting up a normal front is so much harder now. so so so much harder. 
I was stronger. 

I don't like what I have morphed into, damn it.

This has to stop somewhere.

One thing is for sure, you certainly don't miss me.