disgusted and ashamed of you..
You know you have wronged me.
and it is your guilty conscience that has made you explain yourself, spew lies.
I have tried to maintain a dignified silence.
But I'm too tired of putting on the that fake smile.
Just to let you know, you have slow poisoned me.
hurt me over a long period of time.
inflicted pain slowly.
maybe not even realising it.
because I dont bother pointing it out so explicitly.heh.
But then again, thats just you.
selfish.
blunt.
egoccentric.
its just pure skill that I'm able to conceal my feelings so well.
though ofcourse as usual, you will completely deny it.
sorry to burst that little bubble you dwell in.
but you might be suffering from misconception on others impression of you.
your ex-partner once mentioned about how excrutiatingly prim you can get.
to an extent that it gets harrowing.
But I doubt what others think of you affects your mountain-sized pride in any way.
and about your ranting on how I am not in a position to judge you.
well, you ask yourself first.
are you better off?
you lied thrice.
in a row.
and still didnot bother to apologise...
got caught red-handed.
and pretended as if nothing had happened.
so you should really ask yourself.
whose wall had really crumbled eh?
that isnt called ignorance.
that is called shamelessness.
you had no reply to offer.
no excuse to present perhaps.
were caught dumbfounded in ages weren't you?
so it took you time to rake and rant about me later...
totally expected of you..
But the point is that I wasn't even saying anything against you..
wasn't even attacking you personally for that matter.
I was just protecting my self respect.
there is a difference.
though its pretty hard for you to understand.
I asked in the most casual of tones where the answers were...
and what do you do?
do I ignore you when you piss me off?
when you furnish me with blunt and rude remarks?
no I dont.
you ask me "juhiii, are you angry?"
and I reply "no" ...quite off handedly..
because I don't want to make you feel bad.
I know I'll cheer up later anyways.
I do cheer up later.
Its saddening to realise that I loved and cared for you so greatly.
and its even more saddening that this day, I am forced to write all this down.
what you heard yesterday, was what you,yourself called for.
and deserved.
the truth is just a little too bitter sometimes.
but you've gotta hear it.
though you dont want to.
all I have left is the memories we shared together.
And no matter how crude you become
no matter how much I wish that I dont have to stand your stifling prescence beside me every single day.
I will always cherish them.
a scratch on your ego, cost me alot of hurt.
but it doesn't matter anymore.
not anymore.
I maybe selfish, impatient, and also a little insecure.
I do make mistakes, maybe am out of control, and at times hard to handle...
But if you can't handle me at my worst,
then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
-Marilyn Monroe
and that concludes my first and hopefully last heavy mood post.
gdnight.
and it is your guilty conscience that has made you explain yourself, spew lies.
I have tried to maintain a dignified silence.
But I'm too tired of putting on the that fake smile.
Just to let you know, you have slow poisoned me.
hurt me over a long period of time.
inflicted pain slowly.
maybe not even realising it.
because I dont bother pointing it out so explicitly.heh.
But then again, thats just you.
selfish.
blunt.
egoccentric.
its just pure skill that I'm able to conceal my feelings so well.
though ofcourse as usual, you will completely deny it.
sorry to burst that little bubble you dwell in.
but you might be suffering from misconception on others impression of you.
your ex-partner once mentioned about how excrutiatingly prim you can get.
to an extent that it gets harrowing.
But I doubt what others think of you affects your mountain-sized pride in any way.
and about your ranting on how I am not in a position to judge you.
well, you ask yourself first.
are you better off?
you lied thrice.
in a row.
and still didnot bother to apologise...
got caught red-handed.
and pretended as if nothing had happened.
so you should really ask yourself.
whose wall had really crumbled eh?
that isnt called ignorance.
that is called shamelessness.
you had no reply to offer.
no excuse to present perhaps.
were caught dumbfounded in ages weren't you?
so it took you time to rake and rant about me later...
totally expected of you..
But the point is that I wasn't even saying anything against you..
wasn't even attacking you personally for that matter.
I was just protecting my self respect.
there is a difference.
though its pretty hard for you to understand.
I asked in the most casual of tones where the answers were...
and what do you do?
do I ignore you when you piss me off?
when you furnish me with blunt and rude remarks?
no I dont.
you ask me "juhiii, are you angry?"
and I reply "no" ...quite off handedly..
because I don't want to make you feel bad.
I know I'll cheer up later anyways.
I do cheer up later.
Its saddening to realise that I loved and cared for you so greatly.
and its even more saddening that this day, I am forced to write all this down.
what you heard yesterday, was what you,yourself called for.
and deserved.
the truth is just a little too bitter sometimes.
but you've gotta hear it.
though you dont want to.
all I have left is the memories we shared together.
And no matter how crude you become
no matter how much I wish that I dont have to stand your stifling prescence beside me every single day.
I will always cherish them.
a scratch on your ego, cost me alot of hurt.
but it doesn't matter anymore.
not anymore.
I maybe selfish, impatient, and also a little insecure.
I do make mistakes, maybe am out of control, and at times hard to handle...
But if you can't handle me at my worst,
then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
-Marilyn Monroe
and that concludes my first and hopefully last heavy mood post.
gdnight.
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